Well, a long time has passed since I wrote my last post and I must say that it takes a lot of effort for me to take the words out of my mind clearly saying what I mean. It must be because of the Myers-Briggs personality type I got (INTP). Therefore in my mind the words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup; they slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe.

I am on cloud nine because of the completion of my medical treatment with Prozac. One year taking the damned pills and gloomily, no medication comes without side effects, alas! So forth I am overweight again (I wasn’t in this weight since I was 13 and I am 30 now). This is sad because last year before the meds I lost 30 pounds and now I got them back! It puts me down because my cholesterol, triglycerides and sugar levels went to normal when I lost weight and now they’re high above the sky again. I felt really well when I lost weight, not only because I was in my usual size, but because I felt lighter for sports, walks and in a better mood. On the other hand, I won’t say that I don’t share the same problem than many people, seeing weight-gain as a curse. I have had problems with bulimia before and I was having them again when I was taking Prozac, but I decided to stop and be strong for a little while hoping to be able to lose some weight after the treatment completion. I don’t want to go back to bulimia and I don’t want to feel forlorn due to my new scale numbers, but as hard as I have tried this first month out of Prozac, I have gained nothing but weight. It is hard for me to stop eating carbs and I started believing that the mere fact of breathing made me gain pounds, ha!


I am trying to take it slow and I am exercising five days a week as I did before. I am trying with all my heart to eat healthier but I have realized that what I do instead is mixing healthy food with a lot of carbs, yup! I am addicted. I have struggled my whole life with the weight thing, so I have been looking for some body positivity on Instagram, and it works, but not so much as it does when you see yourself as you want. The waiting is less painful, though, and you try to enjoy who you are and your body as it is, a container of a piece of consciousness from the universe, as you and I are.


The psychological effects of decluttering

Well, from my first post, you may know already that I struggled more than a little bit with anxiety and I remember my home to be a mess. I used to organize and clean time to time but it wasn’t a habit of my own, though I knew inside my gut there was a strong necessity for organization in my head.

I remember when a was little, I used to love organized houses and apartments and I really enjoyed magazines with pictures about it. However, I hardly knew that was related with OCD disorder. I have never been diagnosed with it, ’cause I overcame that on my own. I remember when I used to touch the light switch three times to make sure it was turned off or touching the door handle three times too to being able to go to bed and sleep. I specially recall a night when I was 13 years old and I didn’t do those checking things before bed to fight against it, and I wasn’t able to sleep for a while, though I told myself that nothing was going to happen if I didn’t do those things and finally I woke up the next morning realizing that I had been able to sleep without doing the OCD stuff and it stoped it, well kind of. Currently, I cannot say that I am completely cured from my anxiety ’cause I’m still taking anti-anxiety medicine, but at least while in the pills I’m healed and I’m fine.

I must say that this process of savouring life and enjoying the supposedly “bad” parts from personality took me a while though. It was a process in which I was trying to find myself in books, in workshops, in blogs, on pinterest, music, friends and family. Maybe it wasn’t about finding myself but re-encountering with my old self from childhood. Remembering the things we used to love as children, things we enjoyed that ’till today we do, but we just forget about it due to the adult’s life.

At the beginning, it was confusing and difficult but I suppose the key to success in what you want to achieve is that even when you feel tired and desperate thinking that you won’t be able to get what you desire, you have to keep doing it. It’s like when you go to work, you know you must do it ’cause you need to live from it and of course, there are some days which you definitely don’t want to go due to your mood or just life. So, when I realized that I had achieved my goal of re-encountering with myself, I felt so happy and excited and ’till today I keep reading books that nurture my soul (which are quite different from person to person, some of you my rejoice in novels while others like me, enjoy quantum mechanics books) and doing childish stuff. I do what makes me happy and doesn’t hurt others.


In the moment when I realized I was happy with what I had in life and grateful as I was, I started to embrace my OCD thing and I thought that I could use it in my favor. Then, I started redecorating my house and organizing everything. I bought tons of boxes from different shapes and colors, stuff for decoration, everything from dollar stores. My house looked now as a home and the only thing I want now is being at home enjoying the beautiful place I created. Of course, it was not only the things that embellished my home, but the absence of them. Yes, that’s the trick to feel free and creative (at least for me), declutter your home! That’s it. I sold some things that could be sold and I gifted others. My house is right now a boho minimalist home. I have a lot of things that do not precisely combine together and just a few of them. Later, I discovered that the Japanese people do that, though they go to the extreme of having almost nothing in their apartments and just one object that highlights each room. I also discovered through reading an artist’s book that there is a way of art called Wabi Sabi that comes from Japan, too, and that it embraces those called imperfections as such level that in the old tradition of the Wabi Sabi art, people used to join broken pieces of objects together with gold, to embellish them and keep them as something beautiful. So, that it’s what I do now, I enjoy the perfections and imperfections according to society and I embrace who I am and I am happier and I feel at peace. Decluttered home, decluttered mind, decluttered soul.

I can slay the Jabberwocky

There are some times in life when you desperately need to achieve an specific goal and if you don’t, you become anxious or depressed. Well, that is my case in this very moment because as you may know, prescripted medicine can cure you from your illness and make you sick from something you didn’t have before, which has just happened to me.

I went to the therapist because I needed something for my panic disorder. I, of course, tried everything for several years, from “the secret” to NLP. In spite of the efforts made, nothing was conclusive, I even started exercising which was a huge change in my lifestyle, but it didn’t work either. At least, it didn’t work out to help me with my panic crisis, but it helped me in losing weight which was something I needed as well for my health. So, I had to do something else. What could that be? Well, I went to the shrink, which I had been avoiding for a long time. At the beginning I felt utterly sad when he told me that the only way of solving my problem was taking a pill, everything came down to me. I was hoping he could say that maybe some cognitive therapy could be the solution but as I tried so many things before that didn’t work, he recommended that or not doing anything and stay as I was, all the time nervous and worried. Therefore, after a lot of thinking I decided to start the therapy with the medicine. I started with Lexapro, which is known as the happiness pill -I found out when I googled it-.


The first couple of weeks were awful but I could bare that. I had been feeling so bad for so many years that some more days of adapting to the medicine wouldn’t scare me. So I went on with it and when the first month had passed, no more panic crisis until now. My life changed completely and I felt so happy because I finally could stop that shit.

On the other hand, I was kind of restless because due to the serotonine, I have vivid dreams every day and it is tiresome, but as I felt so good from my crisis that was something I had to let go.

No crisis so far, but all the weight I had lost from exercising and eating healthy came back. The anxiety for eating sweets appeared as never before. I even was a salty person before Lexapro. That is why I decided to change from Lexapro to Prozac, but I must say that Lexapro is the happiest one indeed. Prozac is good for panic disorder too, at least for me, but it is way better with the appetite. It helps you to stopping the cravings and binge eating which Lexapro doesn’t do at all. So, I am now on Prozac visiting a dietitian so she can help me with my weight. I feel like a bulimic right now.

In spite of all what I said above, I think that no path is clean or without debris and rubish. That is why the world is so beautiful, because it is not black and white but a prism full of colors and shades and you have to learn to love it and to be patient. You have to learn to weave your web like a spider and be aware that you are not catching flies every day. Some days are good, some are bad, some are grey, but you can make it. It is not necessary to rush. Don’t live in haste. Life is so much more than losing weight or anxiety and you have to live through it. You will never be happy if you try to accomplish everything in one day. You have to embrace and enjoy the process, because that is life: A dreamcatcher with color beads which are your savouring times, a dramcatcher that catches your nightmares at night only if you know how to use it. Try and enjoy.


As you may know this prescribed drug is one of those called “the happiness pill” and it is entirely true. At least for me, I can say it helped me to reduce my anxiety 85% and also helped me to talk to people, as I am an introvert. On the other hand, it had some drawbacks like binge eating and starving to death.

Book review – The Wander Society

I’ll start by saying that more than a book, I feel as if this is a manual for those who love nature or wandering with no purpose. It gives you information that you can consider if you enjoy exploring, even bibliography to seek. Inside, you’ll be able to find different authors who also seem to be wanderers -among them, the famous Walt Whitman-.


On the other hand, the author wants you to start on a mission to be “invisible”, but at the same time, let people know that wanderers are around, like an anonymous group. She even gives ideas for you to share or stick, like symbols or pictures. This reminds me of guerilla art (Keri  is an artist that follows this line of expression).

This book invites you to ponder and wander freely and enjoy it as you do.