Well, a long time has passed since I wrote my last post and I must say that it takes a lot of effort for me to take the words out of my mind clearly saying what I mean. It must be because of the Myers-Briggs personality type I got (INTP). Therefore in my mind the words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup; they slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe.
I am on cloud nine because of the completion of my medical treatment with Prozac. One year taking the damned pills and gloomily, no medication comes without side effects, alas! So forth I am overweight again (I wasn’t in this weight since I was 13 and I am 30 now). This is sad because last year before the meds I lost 30 pounds and now I got them back! It puts me down because my cholesterol, triglycerides and sugar levels went to normal when I lost weight and now they’re high above the sky again. I felt really well when I lost weight, not only because I was in my usual size, but because I felt lighter for sports, walks and in a better mood. On the other hand, I won’t say that I don’t share the same problem than many people, seeing weight-gain as a curse. I have had problems with bulimia before and I was having them again when I was taking Prozac, but I decided to stop and be strong for a little while hoping to be able to lose some weight after the treatment completion. I don’t want to go back to bulimia and I don’t want to feel forlorn due to my new scale numbers, but as hard as I have tried this first month out of Prozac, I have gained nothing but weight. It is hard for me to stop eating carbs and I started believing that the mere fact of breathing made me gain pounds, ha!
I am trying to take it slow and I am exercising five days a week as I did before. I am trying with all my heart to eat healthier but I have realized that what I do instead is mixing healthy food with a lot of carbs, yup! I am addicted. I have struggled my whole life with the weight thing, so I have been looking for some body positivity on Instagram, and it works, but not so much as it does when you see yourself as you want. The waiting is less painful, though, and you try to enjoy who you are and your body as it is, a container of a piece of consciousness from the universe, as you and I are.