I can slay the Jabberwocky

There are some times in life when you desperately need to achieve an specific goal and if you don’t, you become anxious or depressed. Well, that is my case in this very moment because as you may know, prescripted medicine can cure you from your illness and make you sick from something you didn’t have before, which has just happened to me.

I went to the therapist because I needed something for my panic disorder. I, of course, tried everything for several years, from “the secret” to NLP. In spite of the efforts made, nothing was conclusive, I even started exercising which was a huge change in my lifestyle, but it didn’t work either. At least, it didn’t work out to help me with my panic crisis, but it helped me in losing weight which was something I needed as well for my health. So, I had to do something else. What could that be? Well, I went to the shrink, which I had been avoiding for a long time. At the beginning I felt utterly sad when he told me that the only way of solving my problem was taking a pill, everything came down to me. I was hoping he could say that maybe some cognitive therapy could be the solution but as I tried so many things before that didn’t work, he recommended that or not doing anything and stay as I was, all the time nervous and worried. Therefore, after a lot of thinking I decided to start the therapy with the medicine. I started with Lexapro, which is known as the happiness pill -I found out when I googled it-.

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The first couple of weeks were awful but I could bare that. I had been feeling so bad for so many years that some more days of adapting to the medicine wouldn’t scare me. So I went on with it and when the first month had passed, no more panic crisis until now. My life changed completely and I felt so happy because I finally could stop that shit.

On the other hand, I was kind of restless because due to the serotonine, I have vivid dreams every day and it is tiresome, but as I felt so good from my crisis that was something I had to let go.

No crisis so far, but all the weight I had lost from exercising and eating healthy came back. The anxiety for eating sweets appeared as never before. I even was a salty person before Lexapro. That is why I decided to change from Lexapro to Prozac, but I must say that Lexapro is the happiest one indeed. Prozac is good for panic disorder too, at least for me, but it is way better with the appetite. It helps you to stopping the cravings and binge eating which Lexapro doesn’t do at all. So, I am now on Prozac visiting a dietitian so she can help me with my weight. I feel like a bulimic right now.

In spite of all what I said above, I think that no path is clean or without debris and rubish. That is why the world is so beautiful, because it is not black and white but a prism full of colors and shades and you have to learn to love it and to be patient. You have to learn to weave your web like a spider and be aware that you are not catching flies every day. Some days are good, some are bad, some are grey, but you can make it. It is not necessary to rush. Don’t live in haste. Life is so much more than losing weight or anxiety and you have to live through it. You will never be happy if you try to accomplish everything in one day. You have to embrace and enjoy the process, because that is life: A dreamcatcher with color beads which are your savouring times, a dramcatcher that catches your nightmares at night only if you know how to use it. Try and enjoy.

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